Who Am I?

Who Am I? 

It is the dawn of a brand new year.  2011.  It is a year of high technology and so far a lot of wind and not much snow.  I sit here with music lightly playing in the background and the sound of a baby swing as it clicks and glides in the calmness.  It holds a precious gift as she sleeps…hands behind her head.  I am thinking and I smell coffee.  I sip and I think…….

 Sometimes I am driving down the road and the DVD is playing Curious George again and I write a million words in my head.  I write about days gone by and things I love.  I find great passion in my faith and I am able to lay it all out there.  I think to myself if I could put this down on paper people would read it, someone would identify, I’d get an Amen.

I want to Blog.  Why?  Well I have been inspired by a few blogs.  The first of which is the one I love most by Kelle Hampton.  I love her posts. I met her on her blog when she was broken, raw, so very real that my tears joined hers and I could feel her pain.  I have followed her for a year now and I love her blog.  I love how real it feels to read about her life and think I am just like that or I want to be like that or well maybe I don’t want to be like that.  I love her pictures.  I love her ebb and flow.  And I think I am soo like that, broken, raw, so very real.  But then I think Who Am I?

I was talking to one of my best friends today about accepting friends on facebook.  Should I ? Should I not?  It occurred to me that you are very open and transparent or you are walled in.  Now I am not saying that if you do not tell everyone every detail of your life that you are walled in, but I am saying some of us are just more able to be very real no matter who sees it; no matter what they think.

There was a time a long while back where I would have sat down with a laptop a candle and a cup of coffee and told you every detail about myself.  And I know that if I had started a personal blog in my 20tys it would have been so easy to lay it all out there.   Something happens to some of us as we age.   As our knees begin to squeak we begin to think about how easily they can break.

So I come back to the question:  Who Am I?

So here I go

I am female~~that is a good start.

I am consumed by life, the good , the bad, and the ugly.  But I want to be more consumed by the JOY, LAUGHTER, THE KNOWING A TRUE GOD AND HEARING HIM EASILY. 

I am walled in.  I am afraid to be who I am sometimes.  Sometimes my way of life, my opinions, my “just being “has offended and the older I get the less I like that.

I am in need of great love.  I get it from my husband and my children: the girlie girl, the boy, and the baby. 

I am in need of more love especially from a handful that I am unsure really love me.  Do you have any of those handfuls too?

I am kind.

I am weak.

I am strong.

I am fearless and I am afraid.

I am sure and unsure.

I am indecisive on a million questions, and rock solid on a few.

I am in love.

I am a mommy in love with being a Mama.  I never want to put them on a bus and go back to my morning coffee. (I drink alot of cold coffee)

I am fascinated with people.  I want to know what makes them tick.

I am sentimental.  As much as I would like not to be I am.

I am not a morning person, I dream of being one, but it will never truly happen. I am a night owl, the price for this high.

I am tired, all the time and have been for years.  So low energy, but people don’t believe me~~ask my husband.

I am in chains to some hurts and broken dreams.

I am not a Daddy’s little girl but my girls are Daddy’s girls!

I am a victim of Domestic Violence.  My parents fought like cats and dogs.  They both lost. (I use victim as speech only, I am not a victim of anything.)

I am filled with the Holy Spirit~ ~~I speak in tongues…………..you stopped there right.  Hmmmm?

I am a nurse, a Pediatric Nurse, always wanted to be right after I decided I did not want to be a Veternarian.

I am not a good speller, I did not learn phonics. I study phonics now.

I am not good at Math but I did score 100% on Drug Calculations in Nursing School, that was good!

I am thrilled when I hold babies, esp. my own.

I am not proud of any of my mistakes but I am proud I learn from them.

I am overweight and I hate to exercise.  I really hate it, but I will start again soon: promise.

I am a sugar and cream coffee kind of girl.

I am passionate about photos, but I don’t really know what to do with the thousands I take. I am learning but I do have a raging desire to excell in this area.

I am jealous at times, esp. of others who appear to have perfect extended family.  I say “appear” because I know the grass always looks greener on the other side, but I would like my grass to look a little greener. However,  maybe I would need more “fertilizer”.  Get it?

I am a work in progress.  God’s not done with me yet.  Praise His Name.

I am a follower of Jesus Christ which means I have all the grace I need to be all that He has planned for me to be.  He knows Who I Am?   I wish I knew too.

I might do this again.  I am soo much more than the words above.  I might like this girl a little more than I really knew.

Who are you?

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3 Responses to Who Am I?

  1. Donna Britton says:

    I knew all these things about you and have always loved you for being you!

  2. Laura Kesner says:

    You are an amazing person, Renay and I am so glad that God saw fit to place you in my life as my friend.

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